Here’s How to Manscape Your Taint
Taint. Grundle. Perineum. Whatever you call it, this is a man’s forgotten area. Even the most manscaping-obsessed guy can spend hours trimming and tweezing, but walk out the door with the lush undergrowth still intact. It’s your personal secret garden, and it’s time to whack those weeds. Here’s what you need to know.
Taint fact no. 1: it’s a pleasure center—and a scent factory.
The taint is a mysterious mix of good and evil. It’s the key to a better orgasm, but it also pumps out stank.
Think about the aroma you associate with the phrase “smells like balls.” Does that come from the front of the balls? No. No, it doesn’t. It comes from behind the balls; specifically from a strip of terrain so moist and fetid that it gets compared to marshland. You know it as the place “swamp ass” resides. (Or perhaps you’ve heard the term “duck butter”—aka, the sweat produced in this region.)
To enjoy the good properties of the grundle (and minimize the bad), a little maintenance is in order.
Taint fact no. 2: it’s tricky shaving territory.
Before you break out the razor, pull your balls forward, and start scraping away, consider this: Manscaping and friction is a recipe for itchiness. When you shave your chest, it feels great until you put on a shirt. When you shave your taint, it feels great until you actually have to walk anywhere. (Let alone ride a bike or a motorcycle.)
That said, many guys find a razor shave to be the best option. Taint hair is often finer than pubic hair, so a razor makes quick work of it. Plus, the area is comparatively small. If a full shave is your preference, use the right tools and process to minimize irritation and give the grundle some extra care with a post-shave soothing treatment.
Taint fact no. 3: you’re going to have to get low.
Grooming the grundle isn’t something you can do while standing at the sink. What’s the best position? Get in the shower, pop a squat, and use one hand to cradle your balls safely out of harm’s way.
Another tip from the Internet’s surprisingly large trove of taint-grooming discussions: Try sitting on the toilet, legs spread, balls pulled up. In this pose, you can’t use a shaving mirror like you might in the shower, but you can flush the evidence.
Related: Why You Should Shave Your Armpits
Taint fact no. 4: it’s okay not to be bald.
One clean-tainted gent, when asked to describe his manscaping regimen, offered these words: “Trim pubes. Shave balls. Shave taint.”
He’s not alone. Among the most dedicated manscapers, there’s a perception that some bush is desirable, but the balls and taint should be as smooth as suede.
Bottom line? The grundle must obey the Law of Pubic Proportions. That is, it can never be longer than the main event above your junk. If you’re bare there, then you can’t have wispy surprise strands behind your sack.
If you’re generally more “natural,” all you have to do is trim away any taint tangles. Put your dedicated trimmer on a setting one below whatever you use on your upper nether region. Squat. Buzz. Taint nothing to it.