The Beginner’s Guide To Couple’s Sex Toys, From Tips To Tools

Why to do it, how to do it and exactly what to use


Kelleigh Korevaar |

We love sex toys. Seriously, it’s science! South Africa has the third highest number of Google searches for sex toys in the world, according to 2016 research by Statistic Brain Research (we come in after the USA and the UK).

And it’s not just the searches, 76.7% of South Africans surveyed by Desir, an SA adult shop, said they had used a sex toy at some point in their life. Statistically speaking, that means your mom probably has a sex toy, unless she’s part of that 23.3% who haven’t. But let’s be honest here, every single guy reading this is trying to convince themselves their parents are part of that 23.3%. And some of you (76.7% of you, to be exact) are wrong. What we’re trying to say is a lot of people have used sex toys and justifiably so…

Sex toys can seriously spice up your sex life! In fact 44.4% of those who bought sex toys, did it because they wanted to spice up their sex life.

Related: This Is The Ultimate A – Z Guide Of Sex Toys For You To Try This Year

With that in mind, we decided to talk taboo to break down the stigma surrounding couple’s sex toys. We chatted to the managing director of Desir, South Africa’s most exclusive online adult store, Brodie Meyer. She’s here to help guide you through everything you need to know about couples’ sex toys from start to ummm… finish.

Why You Might Want To Use Sex Toys:

Women: “Women who have children may find that the after-effects of natural childbirth may be limiting with regards to the physical enjoyment of their sexual experiences; they may experience challenges relating to the side-effects of menopause; they might find their libido waning; and with statistics showing that a mere 24% of women are able to orgasm during intercourse alone, women are often left feeling discouraged and unsatisfied in their sexual experiences” explains Meyer.

Men: “Men, not unlike women in this regard, experience similar challenges – from lack of sex drive and symptoms related to erectile dysfunction, to premature ejaculation and stamina and performance issues,” says Meyer.

Related: 9 Rules for Stronger Erections

IT’S COMPLETELY NORMAL. Your body isn’t always going to react and feel the same way it did when you first discovered the “Big O”. Naturally. But that doesn’t mean you can’t feel pleasure with the help of a couple of toys.

How Sex Toys Can Up The Ante:

It’s no secret that couples face loads of different challenges during their relationships, often in the bedroom. You might be going through challenges in your sexual journey with your partner and “sex toys may just be the catalyst needed to get your sex life back on track,” says Meyer.

On the other hand, you might just be curious about experimenting with your partner. “Many couples simply find that they have experienced all that they can in the bedroom, and have a need to introduce some excitement in the form of adult toys into their bedroom play,” says Meyer.

Related: Here’s Why Your Girlfriend Will Eventually Get Bored During Sex

If you’re looking to bring up the conversation in a relaxed environment or if you just want to learn more about your lover, try the Discover Your Love Board Game (R749, Buy It Here). The game has 480 questions so you and you partner can discover what you both really like and it opens up the floor for a conversation. Who knows, you both might be into the same things or you could find out about something you’re willing to give a try.

How To Have A Good Experience:

The Legend Of Lube: “Always use a good lubricant to assist with the comfort and insertion of your products.”

Lube ensures that both of you will have a pleasurable experience and neither of you are uncomfortable or in pain. This is a key part of having great new experiences that both of you want to have again and again. Here at MH headquarters we recommend you try out Organic Machine’s Sensual Glide lube (R268, Buy It Here) which is made from natural and organic ingredients.

Bigger Isn’t Always Better: “Always start off small – you can always upgrade to a bigger product once you have become accustomed to the use of an intimate toy.”

Invest In Your Intimates: “Always shop a reputable brand at a decent price – whilst top brand’s price points may stretch your budget, you can rest assured that these products have been anatomically designed, are 100% body safe, and do not feature any toxic substances. Any product that is going to be used on your body in an intimate way should be seen as an investment, and should not put you at risk.”

Related: Would You Try These Sex Toys For Men​?

Money Matters: “Cheaper products invariable always have toxic ingredients, are porous, may corrode or disintegrate, and may cause severe bodily harm in the long run.”

Do Your Homework: “One poor experience could put you off using adult toys for the rest of your life, whilst a good experience, will only enhance your experience and sexual journey. Make sure you research each product, and slowly you will realise what it is you like or do not like – making your sexual journey that much more rewarding.”

What To Look For:

Most couples looking for toys want something that helps with achieving simultaneous orgasms, says Meyer:

Heterosexual couples: most of the products are worn by the female and are thin enough to allow the man to penetrate her whilst using the toy. These products have an outer arm that stimulates the clitoris and a thin internal arm that sits inside the vaginal canal. This vibration that can be felt by both parties prolongs intercourse so that both of you orgasm together.

Related: 6 Lessons You Can Learn From Her Sex Toys

Homosexual couples: Are often looking for dual-ended dildos that allows for dual penetration and stimulation.

Desir’s Top 3 Couples’ Sex Toys Are:

Lelo’s Tara Couples 6 Speed Rotating Vibrator (R1 949, Buy It Here)

What it does: Let’s just start by saying that this USB rechargeable toy can give you two hours of interrupted fun. So you never have to worry about your toy dying on you. It has a narrow and flexible shaft that swirls and vibrates while inside the vagina and you get extra sensation during penetration.

We-Vibe Sync Adjustable Couples Vibrator (R3 349, Buy It Here)

What it does: This toy stimulates her g-spot and clitoris whilst leaving plenty space for penetration. It has 10 vibration modes that can be changed using the remote or customized using the app. And yes your partner can take control of the toy using the app – perfect for long distance couples.

Fifty Shades Darker Release Together Couples Vibrating Penis Ring (R1 299, Buy It Here)

What it does: This rechargeable, waterproof, stretchy silicon cock ring stimulates the penis and the clitoris during sex so that you both experience mass pleasure when you come together. It can also be turned around to stimulate the testicles if you find yourself hot and bothered and alone one night.

Other Things To Buy:

Cloneboy Cast Your Own Vibrator Kit (R899, Buy It Here)

For the couple who don’t take themselves seriously. Have some fun with a partner or give her a gift she’ll never expect. It contains no plaster which can irritate the skin and it uses medically-tested moulding material made from natural algae.

Multi-Vibe Picobong Transformer (R2 125, Buy It Here)

This is a multi-talented unisex double-ended dildo with a rabbit vibrator, clitoral massager, g-spot stimulator and cock ring all in one. You’ll have tons of fun learning the different ways you can use this toy. It’s great for his and hers and his and his and hers and hers pleasure!

Pjur Analyse Me Relaxing Anal Glide Silicone Lubricant (R350, Buy It Here)

Don’t use the same lube for every experience. This silicone formula with natural active ingredients was designed specifically for anal sex. The jojoba extracts relaxes the sphincter muscle which will make anal play pleasurable for both partners.

Pjur Med Clean Spray (R315, Buy It Here)

If you’re going to be using sex toys you need to take care of them. After every use you should be cleaning them thoroughly, for the obvious hygiene reasons but also to prolong their lifespan. This sex toy cleaning spray is alcohol-free and a MUST for your secret sex toy drawer.

You’ve Got The Goods, Now What?

Make A Night Of It: “The introduction of a sex toy can be incredibly intimidating for either partner. We suggest making the introduction an evening of foreplay, intimacy, and connection to enhance the message that this is something you are both doing for each other and not for any other reason,” says Meyer.

Related: The Perfect Start To Foreplay: How To Give Her An Amazing Massage

Honour Each Other: “Indulge in some luxury lingerie, run a hot bath (or shower), and enjoy a couple’s massage. As the evening wears on, and after honouring each other in the most intimate manner, slowly introduce your product.”

To Drink Or Not To Drink: “Alcohol often lowers our inhibitions, and not only does it restrict your ability to lubricate sufficiently, and lowers your body’s response rate, but it also may allow you to say or do things that you would not ordinarily do in a sober state of mind. Make sure that you are fully present during the introduction of your adult toy – as one bad experience can ruin the journey for both of you going forward,” says Meyer.”

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