Sex Questions From Readers
I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING, BUT I STILL LAST ONLY A FEW MINUTES DURING SEX.
You can control yourself, but it takes a bit of practice. (At least it’s fun practice!) The stop-start and squeeze techniques — which involve stimulating yourself until just before orgasm and then backing off or gently squeezing the head of your penis — are effective for many men. Work on your mental game too: When you recognize what your body does before orgasm, you can relax, slow down, and refocus.
During sex, counter your anxiety with deep breaths, slow kisses, and long strokes, all of which can help calm you and amp up her arousal. Or try condoms with sensation-reducing benzocaine, which can add minutes to your time.
WHY WON’T MY GIRLFRIEND LET ME GO DOWN ON HER? WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THAT.
She’s probably nervous. Many women are convinced that their genitals smell, taste, or look bad, thanks to “fish” jokes, feminine-hygiene ads, and nasty slang terms. (Some women just don’t like oral sex, and that’s okay — use your hands or suggest trying a vibrator.) But first, tell her that she’s beautiful and smells good to you, and that going down on her would be a huge turn-on. If you get the green light, go slowly. Maybe she had a bad experience with an unskilled lover. For extra credit, read The Vagina Monologues (pay attention to the Bob piece) and She Comes First, for tips.
WHY DO WET DREAMS STOP? HOW CAN I GET THEM BACK?
Although wet dreams are most common during puberty, for some they continue into adulthood. Dry spells (times of little or no masturbation or sex) can result in wet dreams, so you may need to choose between sleeping and waking orgasms. Wet dreams can also be triggered by friction or a full bladder. If you don’t mind risking a midnight bathroom run, try drinking water before bed to see if your dreams become hyperrealistic.