How To Have Super Hot Phone Sex If You’re Not In Lockdown With Your Partner

Here are a few pointers from sex experts to help alleviate any awkwardness.


Zachary Zane |

Phone sex might not have been something you ever seriously considered doing with a partner up until recently. With COVID-19 keeping us indoors and separated from our partners, we’re looking for novel ways to connect and experience sexual release. So if there was ever a time to start exploring phone sex, it’s right now. “Keeping connected to your sexuality during this time of social chaos is really important for mental well-being and staying grounded in your body, pleasure, and happiness,” says Gigi Engle, Promescent brand advisor and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life.

Related: 3 More Sex Positions For You To Try With Your Lockdown Partner This Weekend

It’s important to block off time within your day where the conversation isn’t about the coronavirus, says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a private members club for the adventurous. “We’re being bombarded by bad news right now, and the added stress is affecting our libidos and many of us are seeking any kind of release,” he says. Scheduling a time to have a conversation focused on intimacy and mutual pleasure can help you find this release – “offering you a moment of bliss that also helps another person in lockdown do the same.”

What’s The Appeal Of Phone Sex?

Phone sex is a way to share a sexual experience with your partner when you’re not in the same room together. It’s not a requirement, but you and your partner might choose to masturbate as you hear each other’s voices and surrounding sounds through the phone.

“Oftentimes, talking on the phone will encourage you to open up in new ways, as you won’t be distracted by trying to interpret your partner’s body language or facial expressions,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s Resident Sexologist. “And some people find that they’re willing to explore fantasies over the phone that they’re too nervous to discuss in person as there is no pressure to act on them from a distance.” So, for example, perhaps you fantasise about being gagged, but don’t want to feel the pressure to follow through; the distance of phone sex can assuage feelings of undue pressure.

Dr. Jess loves the idea of phone sex (as opposed to video sex) because she thinks it can feel less intimidating and leaves more room for the imagination. Additionally, she notes that many people are aroused by sounds, from the melody of a lover’s voice to the rustling of sheets in the background.

What Do You Say During Phone Sex?

Most of us aren’t born phone sex pros, so it’s helpful to have a rough idea of what you want to say (or topics you want to discuss) while having phone sex. Dr. Jess gave some suggestions for what to talk about: what you’ve done in the past; what you’re doing right now; what you want to do in the future; your most exciting sexual memories; your hottest sexual fantasies; and fantasies you may not want to explore in real life, but turn you on nonetheless. That last option speaks to one of phone sex’s strengths: There are certain things that you might not want to do in real life, but you can explore over the phone.

Related: Everything You Need To Know About The Coronavirus And Sex 

The DOs Of Phone Sex

Set The Mood

Even though your partner can’t see you, you should still create an arousing sexual atmosphere for yourself. “Light some candles, bring the lights down low, and wear something that makes you feel sexy – or don’t wear anything at all,” recommends Saynt.

Get Rid Of All Other Distractions

You want to be as present as possible during the conversation. “Give yourself at least 30 minutes where you’ll be uninterrupted,” says Saynt. That means lock your dog in the other room and don’t have any calls planned for after the session; it would suck to be in the middle of something hot and then need to hang up because you have a work call you need to take.

Turn your phone on to “Do Not Disturb,” says Engle. “Stay in the moment and give the person you’re phone-sexing the same attention you would if they were physically with you.”

Incorporate Some Sex Toys

“Sex toys are the spice of life and using them during phone sex is a great way to experiment and enhance your time together,” says Engle. “Sex toys are for everyone, not just people with vulvas. There are prostate massagersmasturbation sleeves, cock rings of all varieties, butt plugs and more.” Experiment and don’t worry about getting weird with it!

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Combine Phone Sex With Pictures

If it interests you and your partner, go ahead and take a pic or little video of what you’re doing while you’re having phone sex with your partner, and send that to them, suggests Dr. Jess. This adds a little bit of visual stimulation to the auditory.

Related: These Are Women’s Health & Men’s Health Readers’ Favourite Sex Toys

Have A Conversation Leader

If you’re both new to phone sex, it can be helpful to have one person lead the conversation to keep it moving, says Saynt. Have one person be the more “active” one of the couple, sharing their fantasies, what they’re doing to themselves, or describing what it is they want their partner to do.

The Don’ts Of Phone Sex

Feel Pressure To Orgasm

“You can use phone sex to get aroused and then hang up so that you have two hands and less pressure to finish off on your own,” says Dr. Jess. After all, the experience is about bonding with your partner – it’s not just about “finishing.” If you just wanted to orgasm, you could have masturbated to porn by yourself.

Expect Your Partner Will Do These Things IRL

Don’t expect your partner to follow through in real life based on what they’ve said over the phone. “You might explore fantasies that are highly arousing on the phone, but you may not want to live them out in the flesh,” says Dr. Jess. Sometimes, fantasies are better left as fantasies.

Go From Zero To A Hundred Immediately

“Take your time and draw it out to build anticipation,” says Dr. Jess. You’re in no rush to get anywhere. Besides, the anticipation is often the best part! Start by talking about how you’ve been thinking about them all day. Then move into what you’re wearing. Then you can move into what it is you want your partner to do.

Related: The Best Lubes For Condoms, Sex Toys, Oral, Vaginal And Anal Sex

Be A Church Mouse

“Being quiet during phone sex is not hot,” says Engle. This isn’t the library, make some noise. “It lets your partner know that you’re into it, and they need that during phone sex since they don’t have visual cues,” she says. Besides, encouragement is sexy. You can use phrases like, “Damn, it turns me on hearing you doing that,” and “Shit, you are so sexy.”

Saint adds, “The experience is a new one for many, so there will be some initial awkwardness, but once you get through it and start playing with yourself, it’s a lot easier to just let the moans take over.”

Originally published on menshealth.com

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