8 Sexual Fantasies She Almost Certainly Won’t Tell You About ​

Every woman is different. But if you're mystified about what she wants in bed, this is a good place to start.


Jerilyn Covert |

She has a lot of fantasies and there are some things she just would just not tell you about. Maybe she’s too shy, too polite, or too afraid to hurt your feelings. So we asked hundreds of women to open up, anonymously. Brace yourself — and get ready to learn a lot, from the women and the experts alike. Then use the intel to make your love life hotter than ever. She’ll thank you.

Related: Is It Safe To Use Coconut Oil As Lube?

1. She Might Want It Rougher

Submission and domination fantasies are common among both genders, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports. In fact, 65 percent of women want to be sexually dominated. “I want him to pull my hair,” one woman told Men’s Health, while another chimed in, “I love it rough, and I mean really rough.”

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Suggest Fifty Shades for movie night, says sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D. Yeah, we know, it’s cliché, but it’s a solid segue. Say “Feel free to laugh, but it’s time I learn what the fuss is about,” or be flattering and flirty: “I’d like to try that on you.”

2. She Fantisizes About Women

Still on fantasies, you may share: her with another woman. Over half of women fessed up to this one — “girl-on-girl porn is a turn-on,” one woman confided — while 58 percent of men in a separate Men’s Health Twitter poll want a threesome with their mate and another woman. 

Related: Why Women Are Fantasizing About This Type of Threesome

“Make it personal: Say the thought of her with another woman turns you on,” says sex educator Tina Horn. Watch lesbian and threesome porn with her, but if you’re serious about having a threesome IRL, “talk boundaries first.”

3. She Wants You To Kiss Her More

In our fantasies’ poll, 63 percent of women wished to be kissed more. “He doesn’t like making out and it sucks,” one woman wrote. “He’ll do it if I ask, but barely uses his tongue. I want him to grab me and kiss me, I want to feel that he means it.”

Related: 5 Ways To Save Your Sex Life When You Want It More Often Than She Does

When deep kissing only happens in foreplay, you lose the benefits of those great makeout sessions of your early days, says Aleece Fosnight, a sexuality counselor.

Try this: Kiss her for two minutes. That’s long enough for nerve receptors in the lips to signal the release of feel-good neurotransmitters. It also increases testosterone, boosting energy and libido.

4. She Fantasises About Other Men , Too

Fantasizing about someone else is normal, says Richmond. Think of it this way: She’s helping herself climax, which means she values having good orgasmic sex with you. Thoughts are not realities; you’re the one she wants inside her. (Same goes for your thoughts, so drop the guilt and enjoy them.)

Related: 7 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Cheating On You

5. She Likes To Play With Her Toys By Herself

Many women told us they secretly enjoy frequent battery-powered pleasure — and in our survey, 23 percent said they hide sex toys from their mate. (Too bad — men like to watch.) “I have a much higher sex drive than he does, and I have to take care of myself more than he knows,” one woman confessed.

Related: 6 Lessons You Can Learn From Her Sex Toys

Make sex toy shopping a kinky date night, either in person (try the welcoming Desir store) or online, says Richmond. Ask the staff plenty of questions; they’re used to it. If something turns her (or you) on, go for it.

Try the Couples Play Bundle For Beginners (R2370, Buy It Here). It’s a luxurious kit that has everything you need to explore what turns both of you on and it will be intimate and fun to try something new.

6. She Fakes It. Often.

More than four in 10 women admit this. “I faked almost every orgasm with him the past year,” one woman said. 

Don’t confront her; instead, ask what she likes, or better yet, have her show you, says sex therapist David Ortmann, L.C.S.W. Say, “I’d love to watch you touch yourself — it would be so hot and help me learn how to touch you.”

Related: The 6 Most Common Reasons Why a Woman Fakes Her Orgasm

While she’s masturbating, kiss her neck, touch her nipples, caress the back of her knees. Note what she looks like when she comes, and copy some of her touch techniques. Ask easy questions so she can stay in the moment, says psychologist Erica Marchand, Ph.D. “Faster or slower?” “Softer or harder?” Not “What should I do?” Remember, the clitoris is tiny, so small changes make a big difference.

7. She Might Be Into Some Wild Stuff

Seven out of 10 women are eager to try something new. Many women said they were interested in trying rimming, as well as “crazy, crazy wild positions. Would be funny just to try them!,” one woman wrote. 

Make sexual “menus,” suggests sex therapist Michael Aaron. You each write down types of sex you’re excited to try (green light), curious but nervous to try (yellow), or that are off-limits (red). Then you each pick one green and one yellow from the other’s menu. It’s fun and helps you practice negotiation, says Aaron.

Related: Think You’re Ready For Kinkier Sex? Take This Test And Find Out

Apps such as Let’s Try It are like this (you each fill out a sex questionnaire, and mutual desires are revealed), but paper is intimate and bonding. “The unknown can really be a turn-on,” says sex therapist Michael Salas. “Discovering new things about our partner not only energizes us erotically but it energizes the connection as well.”

8. She May Want Sex More Often

Don’t assume she’s not in the mood. Seven out of 10 women told us they want sex more often, and more romance. I’d want sex more often if it wasn’t so chore-like. Seduce me, turn me on!,” one woman wrote.

Related: How Much Sex Should You be Having?

Richmond suggests romantic (and dirty) talk throughout the day. “Foreplay can last all day,” she says. Or set up a regular date night. “Dress up. Make an effort, like when you were first dating. Relax and have fun, keeping the tone flirty and romantic. Turn on the charm and curiosity as if you just met. Candles and music are cliches for a reason. Use them.”

Originally published on menshealth.com

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