Stop Doing These Things
Performing the chest bump
Sporting celebration should be proportional to the peril faced in the pursuit of victory. If your game involves an underhand toss, mid-game brews or Velcro-backed flags, dial it down, champ.
Buying all the equipment after two lessons
Holster that credit card until you’re certain the novelty of fly-fishing, mountain biking or competitive birdwatching won’t wear off.
Being over polite
Social pleasantries should be dispensed with grace. Saying “bless you” after each of nine successive sneezes makes you an automaton, not a gentleman.
Writing a love poem in the first three weeks of dating… and not keeping it to yourself.
Her hair might remind you of the first new morning rays of sun. But those rays may fade, and there’s no reason to leave a paper trail.
Finding exact change
Picking through your pocket lint for 11 cents isn’t helping the barista churn through the morning rush any faster. Do everyone a favour and stockpile your coinage at home. Trade it for cash once a year, then treat your girl to a dinner you otherwise couldn’t afford.
Marking an e-mail “high priority”.
Just because Bill Gates dreamed up a button doesn’t mean you should press it. Pick up the phone.
Over valuing your wisdom
Just because you understand the intricacies of the global currency market doesn’t mean you should share them. Unless there’s a point to your pontification – you’re a doctor, someone has symptoms – give it a rest.
Flipping the bird
There’s no better way to make sure you meet the recipient of your gesture at the next red light.
Talking between bathroom stalls
No matter is so pressing that it needs to be discussed with your pants down while sitting on the toilet.
Screaming at the customer service rep
Actually, check that: go ahead and scream. Just make sure there’s method to your madness. You’re mad at the company, and you’re this close to taking your business elsewhere.
Over pronouncing foreign words.
There’s a middle ground between butchering a word and being the pompous protector of its linguistic sanctity.
Sending an angry e-mail
Along with drunk-dialing your ex and drinking cosmopolitans, this one fits in the category of things you will always, without fail, regret.
Tapping the brakes
Avoid reckless drivers, don’t antagonise them. Let him pass, then watch him get pulled over.
Washing your hands carefully after going to the bathroom: normal. Reaching for the bottle of Dettol hand-wash each time you handle money: compulsive.
Obsessing over your fantasy team
If you’re really that into a sport, play coach in a way that actually matters: teach your kid or the neighbourhood kids to love the nuances of the game as much as you do.