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For the next couple of seconds, think back to the best sex you’ve ever had. Don’t rush it – spend some time remembering all the small, dirty details before you read on.
I bet it wasn’t in your bedroom. In fact, it probably wasn’t even at home. Your favourite heated moments were most likely spent somewhere exciting, dangerous or exotic – or, if you’re lucky, it was a combination of all three. Unforgettable-sex breaks routines, forges bonds that are more than just physical, and brings couples closer. The problem is that most of us aren’t getting that kind of mind-blowing sex on a regular basis (if at all). The solution lies in a heart-racing combination of adventure and travel experiences that inject adrenaline, heighten your senses and etch vivid, explicitly-good times into your memory – the memories that linger forever, ones that you’ll be revisiting all the way to your deathbed. From moonlight skinny dips to a stolen quickie, this is your boarding pass to a sex adventure…
Make the right impression
Harness what sociologists and scientists call “excitation transfer” to create an unforgettable first date (or 10th wedding anniversary). This term was created to describe how exciting or even scary activities have the ability to boost the chemical attraction between men and women. The reason behind this is that we draw the wrong conclusion about the thrill – we subconsciously attribute the cause to be the person you’re with at the time. “You think, Why am I feeling this? Well, it must be that I’m with this exciting person,” says Professor Arthur Aron, head of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University. While the truth may be that the activity, not the person you’re with, is getting you all worked up, it doesn’t mean you can’t manipulate this effect to work for you.
Your homework is to make your next date a creative, novel one that provides plenty of excitement. If it’s early in the relationship, she’ll think of you as the coolest guy on campus (and you’ll probably reap the bedroom benefits sooner rather than later). If you’ve been married for while, it can help break any sexual routines (or ruts) you’ve fallen into as a couple. From a sexual chemistry perspective, it’s a win-win situation. The worst that can happen is that she doesn’t enjoy the date, and you discover she’s actually not that into exciting experiences that force her out of her comfort zone. And if she isn’t willing to try new things, then maybe she isn’t the right one for you.
“It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimise your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships,” says Professor Elna McIntosh, sexologist and medical director of the DISA Health Care Clinic ( www.safersex.co.za).
Mutual exercise is on the menu
One of the underlying biological truths to this story is that adventurous men and women naturally have higher levels of the big T – the sex concentrate. The more testosterone you have pumping through your collective veins, the more often you’ll be tearing each other’s clothes off.
The other way to guarantee higher levels of this love juice is to train together. “Women who participate in physical activity are more easily aroused, have a stronger libido and have an improved ability to reach climax,” says Cedric Bryant, chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. Further research has shown that, besides the benefits of regular exercise on your physical confidence and sex life, it also provides ways to meet people and strengthen existing relationships. Yes, those reasons seem pretty obvious, but do you know the other advantages of dating an active woman (besides the toned, fit body in lycra)?
Get some naked ambition
“Risky behaviour boosts arousal,” says professor of sociology and human development Alan Booth. But risky sex doesn’t mean going without protection or being jailed for public indecency. “It goes back to the old thrill of fooling around in the backseat of a car,” explains our Girl Next Door Amelia Frenkel. “If you’ve gotten too comfortable knocking boots in your four-poster, then maybe the confines of the back – or front for the flexible – seat isn’t for you. But don’t give up. Recreate the ‘danger’.” Karaoke, white-water rafting, skydiving… “You’ll know what’s right for you and your lady, without compromising who you are. Sometimes you don’t have to look too hard – like skinny-dipping at midnight in your pool.” Author of The Nature of Sexual Desire (R445 Kalahari.net) James Giles agrees: “Being naked is one of the key elements for romantic bonding. Dating activities that involve even partial nudity tend to increase arousal, romantic feelings and attachment, especially if these activities are out of the ordinary.”