Q: Why can’t I have an orgasm when my girlfriend is going down on me?

Two possibilities: you’re psyching yourself out or her technique isn’t turning you on. Let’s start with you. When you find yourself thinking, Will it happen this time?, pull your attention back and focus on the sensations you feel, says Dr Megan Fleming, a sex therapist at Weill Cornell Medical College. If the problem is that those sensations aren’t all that, well, sensational, then say, “I really like it when…” and describe what turns you on. If that doesn’t work, put your hand on hers to show her the pressure and speed you like. Seeing the impact on your arousal will make her want to produce that effect on you in the future. Try this too: ask her to put one hand at the base of your penis and stroke your shaft as she massages your head with her tongue. Repeat until you’re both smiling.