More Useful Stuff
Become less clueless than before on what makes females tick and how to avoid their fuses altogether with our expert Girl Next Door, Amelia Frenkel.
She wants me to delete photos of my exes on Facebook. That’s extreme, right? – Gareth
Real question: is this a sign of other neurosis? If she’s generally insecure, b ack ing down on this may substantiate her feelings. Then again, most women (and men) are a little insecure about exes in the beginning, until some trust and intimacy is built. You need to weigh up what’s worth more: backing up, deleting the album and publicly closing that chapter, or facing more potential fights as to why you can’t or won’t.
After four months of dating a woman, my friend is now engaged. Can I tell him it’s a bad idea? – Lee
A bad idea is opening your mouth to say anything other than, “Congrats!” and “When are we celebrating?” You may think you know him better, buthe’s made up his mind without soliciting your advice. This is an incredibly personal decision and he’s going with his gut. Your job is to buy him a beer, be happy for him and be there if he needs to talk without judging.
My wife can’t stand my best friend. How do I fix this? – Bryan
She doesn’t have to love him, she just has to tolerate him and understand you’re not going to stop hanging out with him. Although that might be an issue all of its own: how much time are you spending with him? She may be feeling neglected. Find out what it is that bugs her so much – without interrupting or defending him – and then limit the exposure accordingly. It may be that she’s threatened: he represents a part of your life and history that she doesn’t feel a part of. Or it could be that she hates his womanising or the way he turns on the TV when he comes over like he owns the place. Simply acknowledging her feelings and making her think more thoroughly about them could go a long way towards diffusing the friction.
My girlfriend loves PDAs, but I’d rather be discreet. What’s the compromise? – Daniel
There could be a lot of things going on. Is she (a) starved for your affection and/or attention; (b) unsure of your commitment; (c) insecure and wants to show the world you’re an item; or (d) all of the above? Oh, and there’s always (e): she’s so way into you that she wants to lick you like a lollipop every opportunity she gets. Lucky you. The fix: be passionate in private, hold her hand in public, build intimacy through connection and commitment. That means being honest about your boundaries so that she doesn’t feel rejected.
She’s hurt when I won’t dance at weddings. But I suck at it! – Colin
She has to know by now that you’re not Mr Smooth on the dance floor. So what? You know what truly defines moves like Jagger? Confidence. It’s time to get over yourself. Let her drag you out there for a few songs – she’ll love that you’re yielding to something that makes her happy. Look like you’re having a good time and you’ll not only convince those around you that you are, but yourself too – and most importantly in this case, your girl.