This sex trend is normal at first, but trust us: It gets creepier

If your wife or girlfriend is somehow only now discovering Fifty Shades Of Grey, she’s probably curious about exploring the back aisles of Spencer’s Gifts and trying some kinky shit. But before the two of you dive straight into bondage, you might want to start with something a little more tame . . . something a little more “Zen.”

Jesse Thomas-Hall is said to be the brains behind the art of “Zen spanking.” It’s not hugely different from the old BDSM favourite—that is, good ol’ fashion spanking—except that its practitioners place a heavy emphasis on connection. “Zen spanking is in the niche that I refer to as conscious kink,” Thomas-Hall told Echo NetDaily.

So how exactly does it work? Before you get into the spanking itself, Thomas-Hall advises pregaming with some serous eye gazing and breathing exercises. Thomas-Hall believes these practices help bond the spankee with the spanker. But that’s not the only thing that makes it Zen: While BDSM is largely about power dynamics—with the top partner controlling the bottom—the opposite is true for Zen spanking, where the top is supposed to do what the bottom says.

So far, so good. We can get behind that. But when the action comes to a close, there’s still some work to be done—and here’s where Thomas-Hall loses us. During the last period of Zen spanking, called “aftercare,” the top partner should hold the bottom like a baby while they reflect on what just went down. It’s supposed to be a sweet end to a spanking good time . . . but bringing the whole baby thing into it just weirds us out.