My wife wants to go to a topless beach this summer, but I don’t want men staring at her. Is that so unreasonable?

You’re griping about going to a topless beach? Really? What’s next – she goes down on you too often? The more you stifle her, the more she’ll want to prove her point. Just go and enjoy the scenery, okay? This can be hot, trust me. You’ll be the guy reaping the rewards of her liberation. Don’t forget to apply suntan cream.