By MH Staff - Posted on 17th January 2014
The longer you date, the more rhythmic communication becomes: call on the way to work, SMS at lunch, sext during those boring stretches in the afternoon. Some couples turn these rhythms into rules, says Dr Aimee Miller-Ott, the author of a recent study on cellphone rules. Some were linked to low romantic satisfaction, some made no difference and others correlated with high satisfaction. Here are the no-no’s.
“Don’t keep contacting me if I don’t answer.” Yes, a string of 15 SMSes is annoying. But if you tell her to buzz off, she’ll think you’re hiding something, says Miller-Ott. Make your ban specific to situations (“I can’t message at work”) to soften the blow. Or shoot her a text telling her when you’ll be free. “Don’t check my SMSes or phone log.” If you explicitly tell her not to snoop, she may think you’ve been talking to another woman or that you don’t trust her, says Miller-Ott. The solution is simple: put a password on your phone.
“Don’t call too early or too late.” You may not need a rule: relay your schedule and assume she’ll limit contact when you’re busy (or asleep). If not, it’s okay to negotiate specific chat times. “Respond to messages within an hour.” Women do care if you take too long – it’s just that it’s become common courtesy to respond quickly. “Stay off your phone when we’re together.” Is one of you an iPhone addict? Suggest turning off your phones during special nights out. “Frame it as a relationship-building move,” says Miller-Ott.
“Don’t start a fight by SMS.” “If she tries to have a serious conversation and you say, ‘I don’t want to discuss this over SMS,’ she may think you’re avoiding her,” says Miller-Ott. So early on in the relationship, make it known that you prefer to keep important talks face-to-face.