Oral sex can be a very tender, intimate way to tell her you love her – or just part of a total package

“For many women, oral sex is more intimate than penetration,” says sex therapist Dr Patti Britton. There’s no hard-and-fast rule about what your partner’s going to like. Some women love a very gentle, almost ghostlike sensation; others, particularly when they’re close to coming, want a much more aggressive stroke. Best bet: experiment with different parts of your tongue. Here are some specific moves you can try.

Start with the lips

Kiss her labia as if you were kissing the lips on her face. Nuzzle your face in there. Lick her mound. Separate the outer lips, then the inner ones. Run your tongue around her labia.

Go in circles

With a relaxed tongue, lick up and around the clitoris – not on top of it. Do this gently and slowly. Remember, what you can see and feel is just the tip of the iceberg, so covering the surrounding areas is not a waste of time.

Be her friend Flicka

After a few long strokes that gently massage her whole vulva, add a tongue-tip flick at her clit. “The combination of stimulation on her inner lips and the erotic tickle of your tongue tip sends her into an extreme pleasure spin,” says sex educator Midori.

Roll your tongue

If you’re one of the genetically able (some people can do this, some can’t – and no amount of practice will get you there if you can’t), roll your tongue into a tube around her clit and then slide it back and forth.

Suck

“Sucking on her clitoris and labia creates a unique feeling, and when contrasted with the usual friction can lead to more and better orgasms,” says Dr Bob Schwartz, author of The One-Hour Orgasm (R178 www. kalahari.net). But do it gently, and release it quickly. This is a very intense sensation.

Insert your tongue

You can, of course, insert your tongue into her vagina. A little of this goes a long way – the greatest concentration of nerve endings in this area is right at the opening, so spending your time and energy there makes the most sense. You probably will want to penetrate her when she’s getting ready to come; using your hands makes the best sense.

Use your hands

You can give a woman an orgasm without your hands, but with them, you can give her a much, much better one.

Use a toy

A dildo or vibrator can be an excellent addition to oral sex.

Most important piece of advice…

“Women orgasm through consistent rhythmical stimulation, so once she’s enjoying a particular move, don’t change what you’re doing,” says Midori. Many women do enjoy a variety of sensations, particularly at the beginning. Don’t continue for too long with the same stroke unless she asks you to. But once you’ve hit something she likes, keep a constant repetitive motion going, then don’t stop. “If she suddenly freezes in a position, holding her hips up while tensing her abs to stay as she is, you’re getting it spot on,” says Midori. Many women want to be stimulated all the way through, and misjudging this can severely upset her most sensitive moment.