Most women don’t want weiner-style sexts. But not because they think your rod is repulsive; they just want to see all of you. “Men are often turned on by body parts, but most women are turned on by context and people,” says Sitron. As neuroscientist Dr J.R. Georgiadis, explains, “When women look at sexual pictures, they look at many things besides genitals – what’s on the table, the colour of the flowers.” It’s not that she’s more interested in the centerpiece than your penis: women just use more visual cues to guide their attraction.

Research suggests that the most resounding cue may, in fact, be your face. Instead of shooting her a junk pic, “send a head shot with a sexy caption,” says Lehmiller. But in bed, let her see all the action: have her lie on her back, knees up, and kneel between her legs. More of your muscles will be visible and activated, says Sitron. Plus, she can watch you penetrate.