Your moaning may excite her, but it’s probably not what sends her over the edge. “Sounds cue men in to whether a woman is really enjoying sex, but women can physically see when a man is aroused,” Lehmiller says. What she really craves is communication. In the form of four-letter words.

If whispering explicit nothings doesn’t come naturally, simply tell her what you want during sex, but substitute naughty words for your normal sexual vocab. (Hint: she prefers “cock” to “dick” and “give head” to “blow job,” a Journal of Sex Research study found.) “You don’t want her to feel out of control,” says Sitron. “Start by telling her to do things you already know she’s comfortable with.”

Or let music do the job for you. Explicit lyrics can have the same effect as dirty talk, Sitron says. Turn it into foreplay: scroll through iTunes and reveal which songs you’ve always wanted to have sex to. Then do it.