Like her character Thirteen on the popular series House, Olivia Wilde has been blessed with brains and beauty. Both fictional and real-life women have a methodical and practical approach, which Wilde applies to her acting roles and her personal life. And while her recent divorce hasn’t been easy, it’s afforded her valuable relationship wisdom, which she shared with us.

Ease pressure

The key to long-lasting romance, Wilde says, is to accept that nothing stays the same. At just 18 years old, she married a man nine years her senior. Despite their age difference, the two hit it off and were married six months later. “You’re going to change as you grow older, the best you can do is adjust along the way.”

Do your own thing

“It’s so important to have independence,” she says. You know it yourself: everyone needs evenings of their own. If a woman feels anchored to a man’s plans, she may start to resent him for the fun she’s worried she’s missing. Not everything has to be a couples’ event.

Hold your tongue

Of course it’s important to speak up if you feel hurt. But know the difference between a real problem and your own insecurity, Wilde says – and sort your feelings out in your mind before rushing to express them. “I think what ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity,” she adds. “So be secure. It can be hard to force, but you need inner peace if you want peace around you.”