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Class is in session, and the Girl Next Door will be taking questions now.
After sex, I want to sleep. Is there a way out of cuddling? – Devin
Depends what you, or your girl for that matter, define as cuddling. Many men use this as a broad term for the “loving feeling” women get after sex. She’s high on endorphins and wants to savour the buzz – and boost of oxytocin from touch – of your body against yours. You have two very simple solutions: spoon her, or lie on your back, place her head on your chest and wrap an arm around her. Give a satisfied sigh into her neck (or top of her head) and kiss it; whispering something nice – maybe how relaxed and awesome you’re feeling. Now let your breathing become a sleepy snuffle and roll over. She won’t be surprised.
Is it tacky to create a playlist for sex? – Werner
Music definitely sets the mood (it’s also a great talking point and memory maker), so I definitely approve of a well-curated mix. The breathy sexual equivalent of a spa’s whale song soundtrack? That’s just a tacky turn-off. Avoid titles like, “Werner’s sex playlist” or, worse, “Amanda” and a list of previous/ planned conquests. Be as selective about what you name the playlist as you are with the mix.
I love my girlfriend, but I can’t stop fantasising about other women. Is this cheating? – Ian
Is it interfering with your relationship, specifically the way you view and interact with your girlfriend and your sexual connection? Hey, women fantisise too, so we’re not surprised that your mind might creatively wander, especially when you’re rocking a solo mission. We just don’t want to know about it. But if you can’t be intimate with her without thinking of someone else, then you’re not being present or fair to her. You need to acknowledge whether this is a phase or a deeper issue about who you’re with.
My new girlfriend never offers to pay and I’m going broke. Will it ruin the romance if I ask her to chip in? – Mphumzi
Big or small, whether dating or married, money issues can cause series romantic ruin. Most of the resentment is around non-disclosure and could be avoided if both people know the score. In this case, she doesn’t know your situation, so could either be obliviously ordering dessert, or wanting to chip in but not hurt your pride. Hints don’t work. Tell her things are a little tight and propose eating in more, with the added bonus of allowing you both to expand your cooking repertoire. Get a little creative on dates (like a picnic, or a sunset hike) and suggest dates where there’s an opportunity for her to chip in – at the movies, get the tickets while she gets the snacks.