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Guys have some really misguided ideas about vaginas.
And it’s not entirely their fault. Maybe they’ve been listening to older brothers who claimed to be more vagina-savvy than they actually were, or high school pals who didn’t have access to the most reliable pussy data. Maybe they’ve been hanging out on parts of the Internet where information doesn’t always get fact-checked (otherwise known as “the Internet”). Whatever happened, it’s easy to pick up some urban myths about vaginas and just assume they’re based on reality.
Are you one of those people who’ve been carrying around fictional or semi-fictional vagina “facts” for too many years and just never bothered to find out the truth? Probably not, right? But just in case, let’s take a closer look at some common guy ideas about lady parts, and see if maybe you’ve been holding on to some very antiquated ideas.
False! Are we really still confused over this? For once and for all, yes, Virginia, there is a G-spot!
“We have to remember that the G-spot is an area—not a spot, per se—that includes a lot of different tissue,” says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Florida, and author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.
A recent Italian study found that the real G-spot is actually a larger erogenous zone that encompasses several different organs, including the urethra and the paraurethral glands. But even with this research, it doesn’t mean you have a clear roadmap with a final destination that guarantees the best orgasm of her life.
“Some women find it pleasurable and some don’t,” says Mintz. “There’s even some evidence coming out that not all women have the same structure.”
False! Not so fast. “Men shouldn’t view this as the Holy Grail,” Mintz says. “There are many ways to bring a woman to orgasm that doesn’t involve the G-spot.” Such as the A-spot, the U-spot, and perineal orgasms.
What the what? What are these spots, and why are you just hearing about them now?
“The A-spot is deeper than the G-spot,” explains Ava Cadell, Ph.D., an author and “Sexpert of the Year,” according to the 2015 Sexual Health Expo. “So if you found the G-spot, you’ll probably find the A-spot. It’s in the upper area closer to the cervix, and it gets really lubricated very quickly.”
The U-spot, she says, is the urethra. “The perineal orgasm, which is the landing strip between the vagina and the anus—a.k.a. the taint because it ain’t the vagina and it ain’t the anus—can happen when a man uses his mouth like a harmonica and hums,” Cadell says.
3) Squirting is just peeing
True! Remember the time you were having sex with your girl and all of a sudden a tsunami of fluid drenched you and the sheets?
“Did you just pee on me?” you might have asked.
“No, I’m a squirter,” she replied.
Well, guys, I hate to break it to you, but it looks like you were right all along. You were peed on.
At least that’s what we’ve learned in a new study, published last month in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. The study determined that the fluid that comes out of “squirters” actually contains what many feared all along—urea, which is found in urine.
Nicole Prause, Ph.D., a top sex researcher at UCLA, notes that “while a single study is rarely conclusive, this one is very convincing with its level of evidence.” However, she hopes that follow-up studies will address some concerns. The women in the study, she says, apparently wetted their bed sheets with the equivalent of a “glass of water,” which is an awful lot of fluid.
“It may be that women who expel that much liquid are more likely to have a higher proportion of the liquid as urine,” she says. “Perhaps other women are expelling a higher proportion of non-urine fluid?”
She also adds that “while it is in relatively small proportion, male ejaculate contains urine.”
So yeah, you probably drank some of her pee. But then again, she probably drank some of yours. Fair is fair!
4) If her vagina is loose, she’s been around the block
False! Please stop assuming that because a woman isn’t exactly tight down there, it means she’s promiscuous or that her last boyfriend’s penis was so much larger than yours that it stretched her out.
And, conversely, a tight vagina does not mean she’s a virgin, or that she’s been with a small number of partners.
“Women’s vaginas don’t change in size or shape based on how much or how little sex they’ve had or the size of their partner’s penis,” says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., an associate professor at Indiana University, and author of The Coregasm Workout. “Vaginas are flexible and return to their original size.”
Just how flexible? Herbenick points to studies that have compared women who’ve had babies with those who haven’t. “There aren’t significant differences in vaginal size,” Herbenick says. “So if birthing a baby isn’t going to permanently change the shape of a woman’s vagina, neither is your penis or how often you have sex.”
5) I should be able to make her come with my penis
False: Unless your penis is used as a device to rub her clit, the answer is largely “no.”
Based on penal/vaginal intercourse alone—meaning, with no clitoral stimulation—between 70 and 75% don’t reach orgasm. “Every woman is different in terms of what brings her to orgasm,” says Mintz. “But the notion that she should orgasm through intercourse is absolutely false.”
She adds, “When people ask me, ‘How can I get her to orgasms through sex?’, I tell them, ‘Stop trying or worrying about it!’ This should be a freeing idea for men because they really don’t have to feel that they are not good lovers if they can’t bring her to orgasm this way, and it opens up a conversation of, ‘Whatdoes bring you to orgasm?'”
The answer might be in her nipples. Yes, many women have nipple orgasms. “Some studies even say that more woman can have orgasms through nipple stimulation than from the G-spot,” says Cadell. “Woman have so many erogenous zones and it’s all about exploring them all to see what works best for her.”