More Useful Stuff
To find out how women really feel about doing it, we hooked three of them to a polygraph, asked them lots of dirty questions and then checked with the experts to see how we could benefit from the info
Do you like giving blow jobs?
Of the women we tested, the only one who admitted she liked doing oral was the one in a serious relationship. The others may not want to appear too eager to please, says sex educator and co-author of Hot Sex (R245, kalahari.com), Jamye Waxman. So if you want to be on the receiving end, start on the giving side, where you can show you’re a generous guy. “Going down on her first shows that you’re putting her needs before your own,” Waxman says. “If you turn somebody on, they’re more likely to want to turn you on.” Go down on her until she’s near climax, and then stop and transition to kissing her body or making out. She’ll be hot, bothered and eager to return the favour. “A guy who says, ‘I’d like to do you first’ – that’s the kind of guy where a woman’s just like… wow,” Waxman says.
Does the size of a man’s penis really matter?
Size matters, but not in the way you think. A survey in European Urology found that 77% of women consider length to be unimportant. “It’s actually girth that matters more,” says Justin Dr Lehmiller, a college fellow in psychology at Harvard University. Here’s how to make the most of what you’ve got.
Try a new position
When she’s on top, she controls the grinding. But if you’re on top, drop the deep thrusting routine, says Lehmiller. Instead, adjust forward to put your penis in contact with her clitoris. Now grind against that spot.
Trim your pubic hair
The old grooming trick still works. And try losing the gut, too. “Fat can hide a substantial amount of penile length,” Lehmiller says.
Do you routinely fake orgasms?
All three panelists lied about faking! But your girl doesn’t, of course. (You stud, you.) Still, if standard intercourse is your most creative move, you’re selling her – and yourself – short. Up to a third of women can’t reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone, a King’s College London study found. Those odds are brutal, but there’s hope, says sex therapist Dr Megan Fleming. Try this: have her use a vibrator as she lies on her stomach and enter her from behind. Then look for signs that she’s close – flushed skin, goosebumps and toes curling up are all good indicators.
Do powerful men turn you on?
Is it unusual that the women on our panel are attracted to alpha males? Probably not, says Dr Vinita Mehta, a psychotherapist and relationship expert. But you don’t have to be Richard Branson to make her hot. Just focus on showing a few key qualities.
1. Brains Knowledge is (sexual) power, says Mehta. Put your smarts on display by taking her to an art gallery, beer tasting or anywhere else you know the terrain.
2. Money skills Big pay cheque or not, a financial plan demonstrates control and ability to provide, says Mehta. “And that’s sexy.”
3. Generosity Buy a round of drinks on your next double date, Mehta says. “It says you’re the type of guy who invests in relationships.”
4. Honesty Being forthright about your romantic intentions proves you’re self-confident, says Mehta. “It shows you don’t need to deceive others to achieve your goals.”
Do you wish you had
a more adventurous
The novelty of a new lover’s body can intoxicate you with a potent cocktail of feel-good brain chemicals, says Lehmiller. Revamp your tired routine to recreate the feeling.
Get busy before work
“Testosterone levels for both men and women are highest in the morning,” says Lehmiller, and that means your libidos are stronger.
Do it on the lounge floor
Or in the shower. Or in the forest. Sex in unexpected locations is more exciting than bedroom sex.
Go a week with no missionary
Instead, try new positions – even ones you once dismissed as too kinky. If they flop, just laugh it off.
Get into character
Role-playing can make sex feel new again, says Lehmiller. Not ready for costumes? Ease into it with a simple script: you’re two strangers who just met in a bar. Go.
Do you ever feel
self-conscious about receiving oral sex?
One word: flattery. “It’s as simple as saying, ‘You’re beautiful’ while looking at her vulva,” says Dr Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and the author of Sex Made Easy (R175, kalahari.com). Another option: after you go down on her, follow up with, “I love the way you taste.” That one sentence can make a world of difference, Herbenick says.
Have you ever lusted after a colleague?
Sex in non-sexual environments can heighten arousal, says Dr Jennifer Gunsaullus, a sociologist and intimacy counsellor in San Diego. Make sure you’re doing it right.
1. Keep it off the clock. Your risk of being caught (and fired) is lower.
2. Stick to familiar places. And be damn sure no cameras are around. If possible, keep it in your office.
3. Make it quick. Think pants-at-ankles, not making love.
4. Don’t make it a habit. If it’s the risk that turns you on, find another spot – like a parked car.
Do you consider a booty call a compliment?
A late-night message might make her feel used, says Gunsaullus. But if our polygraph results are correct, she’ll also be mildly flattered. If you’re going to risk it, do it with an adventurous, flirtatious woman, preferably someone you’ve hooked up with before. Then be sure she knows what’s in it for her. She may warm up to the idea if it’s about more than you getting laid. Try these:
1. “My hands are feeling restless. Can I come give you a massage?”
2. “Long day? Why don’t you come over and relax in my jacuzzi?”
3. “I have a bottle of wine you’d love. I’ll bring it over if you’re still up.”