Turn her top 10 sex fantasies into bed-rolling pleasure for both of you

There are too many jobs a man must perform during sex with a woman, says Nancy Friday, author of “Women On Top”, who explains that he must orchestrate the seduction, arouse the woman and keep himself from coming long enough for her to get close to orgasm.

Now, it might be that when it comes to this type of work you’d classify yourself a workaholic; nevertheless, anything that makes your job easier (and dare we say faster) is worth learning.That’s why fantasies are so important. They boost arousal and get you to the fun parts faster. Dr Andrew Stanway, author of The Joy of Sexual Fantasy, explains that both sexes can, with practice, create quite high levels of sexual arousal simply by thinking about sex or something specific that arouses them.Time, then, to take a tour of the kinds of things that get her engine purring.

SHE’S IN CHARGE

So in my fantasy, I’m in control, I call the shots. I explore every last inch of his body and do every pleasurable thing to him that’s imaginable. In my fantasy, we have hours of raw, physical, bed-rolling sex that I want to have so badly. – Mary, 32

What it says about her Women with this type of fantasy need to be in control in order to feel the loss of control that is orgasm, explains Friday. Interestingly, many women with such fantasies are not sexually experienced, hence their desire to dominate in their fantasies. These fantasies are not about humiliating or hurting the man but about ensuring that her life, and her sexuality, is controllable.

Practical tip During lovemaking, gently place her on top and see where she takes it from there. If she puts this fantasy into action, be assured that your sexual pleasure is a vital ingredient of this sexy recipe.

Special tip Movies with sexy scenes in them are an excellent starting point for discussing fantasies, advises Leandie Buys, a sexologist based in Port Elizabeth.

BEING WATCHED

Exhibitionist fantasies, states Friday, take two forms: having sex where one can be observed, or exhibiting oneself.

When my lover first asked me to share my fantasies, I told him probably the most notable is to make love in the most unusual places. He said he would eagerly go along with my desire, but I must keep myself ready at all times. So far, we’ve done it in just about every closet, bath or corner that we’ve been in, inside and out in public. – Veronique, 32.

What it says about her A woman who has this type of fantasy finds the fear of being discovered arousing. The idea of having sex in an off-limits place is titillating because of the forbidden factor, explains Laura Berman, sex therapist and author of The Passion Prescription. She is the type of woman who becomes easily bored with a predictable sex life and yearns for something to spice it up. For some people, a change of place in which to have sex is almost as exciting as a change of partner, says Stanway.

Practical tip Always pack a blanket and pillows when you’re planning a day outdoors. That way you’ll be prepared for those hideaway places that, quite frankly, are everywhere. Her arousal levels will skyrocket if you place your hand over her mouth to warn her that others might hear her screams. The threat of discovery will speed her up. It’s the perfect fantasy for all those kinky quickies – and, guess what, no endless foreplay.

Special tip If the thought of your motherin- law bursting in on your private party at the family braai doesn’t get your testosterone pumping, then tell her in the privacy of your bedroom that others are watching. That’s the brilliant thing about a fantasy: it doesn’t have to happen in reality.