“We weren’t talking, we weren’t physical, we were just going through the motions.”

Fun fact: Roughly 69 percent of divorces are initiated by women in the U.S., according to a study by Stanford University. And though divorce sucks no matter who’s filing, we were curious as to why and how the other 31 percent decides to end a marriage.

To find out, we asked guys who’ve called it quits how they did it, what went down when they did, and how they’re doing today. Here are their stories.

separation

“Not that any divorce is easy in any way, but mine was especially difficult because we have two kids. When you’re having children, you never think that there will ever be a point where you’re not raising them with your wife. But we had been fighting way too much. After months of counselling didn’t help at all, I asked for a separation and later a divorce. It was amicable. I held out hope for a long time but eventually lost hope that things would get better.” —Grant J.

seeing-someone

“We had been separated for a while, mostly because we had grown apart after 14 years together. We’d been together since freshman year of college. You change a lot in your twenties and thirties. I asked for a divorce about a month after she told me she had been seeing someone else during our separation. It was in our old house. We both cried a lot. It was one of the worst days of my life, but it was for the best. I still have to remind myself of that, years later.” —Alex Y.

woke-up

“My ex-wife had an affair with a co-worker. I wanted to make it work and move on, but I couldn’t. It was always going to be an issue for me—even though she had confessed cheating to me and was extremely remorseful. I asked for a divorce when we were in bed one morning. We divided up our sh-t and moved out of the apartment.” —Bryant P.

she-said-terrible-things

“My wife was struggling with mental health issues for years before we even met, and I was more than willing to help her in any way I could, though I could never fully empathise with her. Five years into our marriage, she started refusing to get the help she needed and started self-medicating. I stayed another year, but she refused to do what she needed to help herself. I told her I wanted a divorce one weekend afternoon after she said some truly terrible things to me. I wanted to make it work because I loved her, and I still do. I also didn’t want to be the guy who gave up when a person was sick. But everyone has their limits. I guess the silver lining is that she’s sober now and is getting regular treatment.” —Adam X.

home-from-vacation

“I don’t know how to explain this to someone who has never gone through it, but it is possible for two people to fall out of love out of nowhere. Something happened with my ex and me, and I didn’t love her anymore. We weren’t talking, we weren’t physical, we were just going through the motions. We had both lost that loving feeling, like that song. We have a son and we both wanted to make it work, but we agreed that we couldn’t be one of those couples who just stayed together for the kids. I asked for a divorce after we got back from a vacation that was kind of a last-ditch effort that didn’t pan out. It wasn’t a nasty divorce. We are still friends, and I think we do a good job of raising [our child] together.” —Corey P.

confessed-cheating

“I’m a complete asshole, and I cheated on my wife. I fell in love with the other woman, and that was that. I know this was the worst thing I could possibly do in a relationship, but something had been missing between us for a long time. I told her what had happened, and said I was leaving her. She took me to the cleaners in the divorce, but I did what I did and would have done the same thing if I were in her position.” —Kevin H.

before-work

“I can’t physically have children, and we didn’t find this out until we tried having kids. I always wanted a family and took for granted that I would be able to start one as soon as I was ready. And if anyone wanted a family of their own more than me, it was my wife. We talked about adoption, donors, all of those things, but for her reasons, my ex-wife didn’t want that. This put too much of a strain on our relationship, and I asked for a divorce one morning during breakfast before I headed off for work. She wanted to have children with her partner, and I wasn’t the partner for that. I used to have this fear that I would contract a chronic STD that I’d have to tell women about early on in a potential relationship, but instead I have to tell them that I’m sterile. And when you’re in your late thirties, that can be a deal-breaker.” —Zach L.

blew-off-anniversary

“My ex-wife loved her job more than me. For a long time, I felt like I was being needy, expecting her to put me first at least some of the time. But when the person you love would rather lose you than her job, that’s tough to deal with. I asked for a divorce after she blew off our anniversary. I did it when she finally came home from work in the morning hours of our anniversary, and I wasn’t met with much resistance.” —Alex A.

Article originally published on menshealth.com