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Sometimes things go wrong between the sheets. Bedroom blunders, we like to call them. But you can bounce back: we know, because we asked more than 1 000 women what runs through their minds immediately after some common sexual screw-ups. And, as it turns out, they’re quite forgiving. With the right recovery plan, you’ll be back to business in no time.
You blurt out, “I love you!”
Over the top? Yes. A sex Stop sign? Probably not. In our survey, only 7% of women said this would kill their sex drive. If it slips out in the heat of the moment, just rephrase it, says Emily Morse, sex therapist and author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. Say, “Sorry if that came out strong. I just love the way you make me feel.”
Another girl keeps calling you
Shut off your phone – the sooner the better – and explain who the woman is. “Women are like private investigators,” says Morse. “We will find out who that woman is. It’s better in the long run if you’re honest now.” Apologise for the buzzkill and promise to call the woman tomorrow to ask her to stop bombarding your cell.
You call her the wrong name
Talk fast. “During sex, inhibitions are low,” says Dr Karen Sherman, the author of Marriage Magic! So subconscious thoughts can slip out. Did you recently toss some pics of your ex or watch a film with an actress by that name? Explain it, and then double up on romance and cuddling. If she’s not ready to forgive you, you’ll know it.
You can’t unhook her bra
Relax, butterfingers. This happens so often that she probably won’t be fazed at all, says Dr Kristen Mark, a sex and relationship researcher at the University of Kentucky. If you’re really struggling, make a joke about it. (“What is this, a chastity bra or something?”) Then surrender and ask for help. She may even enjoy doing the slow reveal.
Your sheets could use changing
If she’s already there, pour her a drink in the lounge and excuse yourself to change your sheets. If your whole bedroom is a mess, cut your losses, says Mark. Just say you want to move slowly and ask to pick her up for brunch in the morning. You’ll look like a gentleman and prove that you’re still interested in seeing her. Now start cleaning!
You fart while doing the deed
She heard it, so don’t pretend she didn’t. Laugh, apologise and carry on, says Morse. And if you’re still gassy, switch to a position that puts her on top, such as cowgirl, Mark suggests. The less you thrust, the less likely
you are to let one rip. And if something does slip out, the mattress will help to muffle the sound.