This kind of roast can’t be overcooked, so be inventive, deliver unforgettable mental images, and remember these attack points to deliver perfect insults and one liners

THE SIMILE

This one’s more of a tool than a target, but you can’t miss with a good comparison. But avoid cliches. “Jim looks like a chicken” when he runs. Boring. When he runs, Jim looks like Nicole Richie being chased by a cheese steak. Better.

BODY PARTS

The classic Comedy Central roast of Pam Anderson was all about her boobs. Likewise, go after the big targets in your life: if Dirk’s ego is big enough to crush a 4×4, or Paul’s nose could hold a 747, the world needs to hear about it.

ATHLETIC ABILITY

Dumping on a clumsy dude is easy pickings, but this can work even if the guy is Jim Thorpe: Hey Jim, this isn’t golf; high score wins and ‘Are you shooting three-pointers or stoning virgins?

STATION IN LIFE

Each of us reaches a certain amount of success… or not. We all need to be reminded of that. Hard. Ed achieved the ultimate midlife trifecta: a chip on his shoulder, a monkey on his back and a stick up his ass.

BAD HYGIENE AND HABITS

Every man has them, and they must be brought to justice. When he drinks, Johnny hugs more people than a dying father and Hal produces more wind than a tornado.