In recent “duh” news, a study at the University of Washington reveals why drinking is fun. In a nutshell: Something awesome happened once while we were drunk, and something awesome might happen again while we’re drunk, so we’re going to clink pints again – regardless of how many times we puke or pass out on concrete. Basically, we’ve all got a killer pair of rose-colored beer goggles.

Of course every responsible adult with a working IQ knows the countless risks and dangers of having too much – like wrecking your workout gains, increasing your stroke risk, and a pounding head in the morning – but that doesn’t usually stop us from ordering another round and waiting for some magic to happen.

Moderate drinking, on the other hand, can actually increase your lifespan, improve your memory, and prevent diabetes.