1/ Herd Your Supplies

First, make sure you have a grill that can handle the hog — that is, an extra-large cooker with at least 45cm x 75cm of grate estate. You can even rent one at a party supply store. Go with propane to maintain a steady temp. Next, call a butcher and ask for a gutted 9-kg suckling pig. It’s a special order, so call a week ahead. Also grab thick rubber gloves, a box of heavy-duty aluminum foil, and a full tank of fuel.

2/ Prep Ms. Piggy

Preheat your grill to a steady 190°. Place Porky on an extra-large baking sheet and rub olive oil over the skin and inside the carcass. Season the swine liberally on both sides with salt and pepper. Using the tip of a sharp knife, cut a small incision in the skin and tuck in a peeled garlic clove. Repeat this process until the entire bulb of garlic is gone.

3/ Heat Up the Hog

Line the hot grill with a layer of foil. Put on your gloves, hoist the pig directly onto the grill, and close the lid. Every 15 minutes, open the cooker and, using your gloves, rotate the meat 45 degrees to ensure even cooking. When the skin has crisped and charred, about 60 to 90 minutes, put on your gloves, flip the pig over, and repeat the process. If any vittles start to burn, wrap them in foil.

4/ Create Your Grub Seasoning

Expect 2 to 3 hours of cooking time. Meanwhile, retrieve a large bowl and mix up a rub from ingredients you probably have on hand. Apply this spicy sweetness to the meat after you carve.

  • 1 KG BAG OF DARK BROWN SUGAR
  • ½ CUP KOSHER SALT
  • 2 TBSP EACH OF PAPRIKA, GARLIC POWDER,
  • ONION POWDER AND GROUND ALLSPICE
  • 1 TBSP EACH OF GROUND CAYENNE
  • FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER
  • GROUND MUSTARD

5/ Butcher the Beast

You’re done when the skin is crispy and the flesh is tender. (Insert your meat thermometer into the thickest part of the shoulder and leg; it should read at least 70°.) Slide a large baking sheet under the pig and lift the beast from the grill to a nearby table lined with foil. Let it rest at least 30 minutes. Then cut and pull everything into bite-sized chunks, and knead in the spice blend.