1. COLOUR
Sorry Dracula, bright red is no good. Meat tastes best when it’s been matured – making it a darker, browner colour once all the sinews and muscle fibres have relaxed.

2. CUT
Fillet is the Rolls-Royce of the beef world – as close to 100 percent meat as you’ll find. After that, in order, come the sirloin, rump, ribeye and T-bone.

3. MARBLING
Seams of fat running through the meat. When cooked, this adds texture and flavour. A big white wedge along the edge? You’re holding a pork chop, moron.

4. ORIGIN
This may sound pretty obvious but when meat is moved long distances, it may lose quality. The answer? Eat locally sourced meat.

5. THICKNESS
Look for four to five centimetres for a good depth of flavour. If it’s thinner than that, you’ll lose all the flavour during cooking. The ideal weight should be around 230g.