Play it safe

A woman is more likely to be orgasmic if she feels safe with herself and with you. So build emotional trust. Don’t bully her into doing things she’s not comfortable with, and use condoms and/or birth control if pregnancy or sexual health is a concern.

Try this trick

Use the following tantric ritual from Jonti Searll to create a space of intimacy and safety. Start by lighting candles, putting onsoft music and sitting opposite each other. Look into one another’s eyes – it’s very important to maintain eye contact – and put your hands up, palms against palms, fingers touching. Softly, slowly, start to move your hands, as if they’re dancing. Touch your palms, fingers, knuckles,the back of your hands, the space between your fingers. Take your time.
After about five minutes, let your partner lie down with her head in your lap. Gently strokeher face for five or 10 minutes. Then let her do the same for you. The point is to create a differentspace for a different experience. No pressure, no rush, no goal.

Enlist an expert

If there are deep psychological issues at play, like a history of sexual or emotional abuse, or perhaps poor body image, you could be out of your depth. Encourage yourpartner to work through it with a professional. Go with her if she wants you to, but let her take the lead. Don’t push, just be supportive