Home > Expert advice > Jimmy the Bartender

Archives

• How do I avoid having a sugar mama?

  • My girlfriend found out I earn way less than her. Now she insists on paying for everything. I don’t want a sugar mama!

    Rough life you have. I have five guys sitting across the bar here asking for her number. Listen, your ego may be bruised, but if she insists on picking up dinner, let her – and spend some of your savings on her in other ways. She love a band? Buy tickets for two. Or book a romantic night away. That way she’ll feel good for taking care of you, and you can still spoil her.

• How do I avoid nepotism?

  • My cousin asked me about a job opening at my company. It’s my rule to never mix family and business. How do I turn him down kindly?

    Can’t blame the man. This is what he’s supposed to be doing – using his contacts to gain a boost. Can’t blame you, either. Inviting family into the workplace is like putting olives in a tropical drink. If it’s your rule to never mix the two, tell him so. Then do the next best thing: use your contacts. If you won’t hire him, you can at least help him find someone who will.

• Should I reply to my first love when I'm in a relationship?

  • My first love emailed me out of the blue. I’m curious – but I’m not single. Can I reply?

    It’s like the game show from hell, and I’ll tell you what’s behind door number one: either a little catch-up session with the ex, or the awful death of your current relationship. So before you write back, ask yourself: are you curious in a well hey, what-happenedto- her kind of way? Or are you subconsciously looking for a lingering spark? If it’s innocent interest, go for it – and tell your girlfriend about it before you hit “reply�. Otherwise, break up now. You’ll save everyone serious amounts of trouble.

• Does my ex-girlfriend want me to stop her from moving away?

  • My ex just called to say she’s moving far away – but still cares for me. I admit I feel the same way about her. Does she want me to stop her?

    You’ve watched too many tear jerkers, my man. She didn’t plan a new life as a way to snag your attention. She wants closure, and it’s way easier to tell you her feelings when she doesn’t have to stick around for the consequences. You two should sit down and talk. Say what you need to, but also say goodbye – for now, at least. She can always visit, but she won’t stay.

• Must I respond rapidly to my boss after he gave me a blacberry?

  • My employer gave me a BlackBerry. Am I now obligated to respond to emails on weekends?

    Unless part of the deal is that you’re open later than a seven to 11 supermarket, I don’t think so. This comes down to expectations that you set early on. If you rapid-reply to every email no matter what the day or time, your bosses will come to expect quick responses. But if you pipe up at a more leisurely pace (say, on a Sunday night), then you’re sending the signal that yes, you’re available, but no, not in the middle of your weekend run.

• Should I stop my friend who retells my stories as his own?

  • A mate takes my stories and retells them as his own. It’s annoying. Should I stop him?

    A guy at my bar once told me a great yarn – and it was so funny I almost forgot it was my damn story! He’d heard it here. I ribbed him, he was red-faced and all was well. Some people don’t think; they just talk. The next time your pal rips you off, ask him about it – nicely, in private. He’ll be embarrassed. And before he tells his next tale, he’ll stop to remember where he heard it.

• If my girlfriend pays me rent will that kill the romance?

  • My girlfriend is moving into my house and has offered to pay rent. Will that kill the romance?

    Know what happens when a relationship turns serious? Real life. Body noises that can’t be hidden, faces without make-up and rent to pay. All good things. It means you two are as real as anything. If she didn’t pay her fair share, she’d always feel like she was squatting in your home, not sharing it. Just be sure to talk over the terms of your rent – not in a prenup kind of way, but so both of you know what’s expected. Then nobody’s hurt. Makes business a pleasure.

• Why does my girl think we're fighting when we disagree?

  • Whenever my girlfriend and I disagree, she thinks it’s an argument. I think it’s a discussion. Why?

    I see this go down in my bar all the time: a man and woman are talking, she storms off – and he turns to me and shrugs. What a dope. Here’s the problem: you may not be raising your voice, but you won’t shut up either. You’re treating the “discussion� like a debate you need to win – and really, buddy, that’s how you lose. So the next time, talk less and think more, and give her equal time to steer the conversation. See? That’s a discussion. No argument about it.

• How do I get my boss to pay up what he owes?

  • My boss hasn’t paid up in our office rugby pool. How much can I hassle him?

    If you want to play the bookie, you have to be the loan shark, too. But put away the brass knuckles. You’re showing the big guy how you handle a sticky situation, and that’s as good a dry run as any. Be understanding, but persistent. Start with an email just to him (no public shaming), saying you know he has a ton going on, but hey, please don’t forget about the pool. Nada? Give it a week, then casually remind him in person that the deadline passed. He’ll pay.

• How do I avoid booze and sex in my toast?

  • I’m my mate’s best man, but all our stories involve booze and sex. What’s my toast?

    I was at a wedding once where the best man rose and said, “Fornication�. Then he cleared his throat: “For an occasion such as this...� We all laughed nervously. Then he said he could fill his speech with bar tales, but anyone can be a decent drinking buddy – and not everyone can be as standup a guy as the groom. The rest of his speech proved it. Smart move. Steal it: come to the wedding with class, humility and just enough humour to make it all go down smooth.

*Men's Health does not give out contact information for experts featured in our magazine or on our web site, and queries addressed to these individuals cannot be forwarded on your behalf. If you require professional health and lifestyle advice, we strongly recommend that you contact your local service providers.

close IN THIS ISSUE Sex Drugs & Rock 'n Roll The rock star issue Strip Away Fat A six-pack in 28 days Instant Text Appeal Chat your way into her bed 15% More Brain Power In just 60 seconds 30 New Meals That Build Muscle Bulk up now

SUBSCRIBE RENEW GIFT DISCOVERY SUBSCRIBER CENTER Call us now 0860 00 7827

OTHER EXPERTS

Down Town Can I prevent sexual complications as a result of diabetes as I get older? Get advice now

Cardio Coach How do I improve my lung capacity? Get advice now

Girl Next Door How do I tell her I'm allergic to her cat? Get advice now

Pills Of Wisdom How are plantar warts treated? Get advice now

Kilojoule Coach How bad is too much ice-cream? Get advice now

World of Hurt Can you repair cartilage? Get advice now

Law for the Layman How long do I have to be abroad to be exempt from tax? Get advice now

Head Check Can hypnosis improve running? Get advice now

Stylemaster What’s the best way to lace my dress shoes? Get advice now

Jimmy the Bartender Should I go, with my girlfiend that I'm not that into, on holiday? Get advice now

Motion Fitness Where the best palce to mountain bike? Get advice now

COMPETITION

13 seiko watches up for grabs! Watches valued at R3 999 each!   View all competitions

POLL

What do you think crosses the line into stalker territory? She...
	Asks your friends for details about what you like, your favourite food etc
	Checks your Facebook page often
	Drives past your house to see if you’re home
	Pitches up at your local haunt
	Phones you continuously

Vote

Results

Email Address *

Close