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Reel gadgets

Neuralyser – The MiB are a secret organization that monitors paranormal activity and aliens living on earth beneath our very noses. The neuralyzer is portable memory eraser, using a high-powered flash. This handy gadget removes an earthling’s encounter with any extraterrestrial from their recall banks. It’s useful in saving agents the tactic of intimidating or threatening witnesses, popular among some other government departments. We could think of a few uses ourselves. Speed cops spring to mind, the boss. The neuralyzer is also a masterstroke of plot plausibility, allowing us to suspend our disbelief for the full 90 minutes. “Hey maybe aliens do live among us, and with the neuralyzer, how would we know!?� Chances of it becoming reality: Replicas are available at the saber vault but after much searching, we couldn’t find a real one. There is a chance we did but we can’t remember.

Rolex Submariner – James Bond: Live And Let Die James Bond, or Q rather, deserves a category of his own. With cigarette guns, wrist activated darts and pocket underwater breathing tanks, the lab back at HQ is gadget Valhalla. But the all-time classic Bond device has to be Roger Moore’s Rolex Submariner. This multi-function watch featured a mini diamond saw, which he used to cut through the rope around his wrists to free himself. It also had a magnet, which Bond activated to take care of a bullet headed his way as well unzipping Miss Caruso’s dress. Chances of it becoming reality: Not very good, the Swiss are not known for their frivolity and desecrating a ‘national monument’ would be considered sacrilege.

Police Computer – Minority Report Just when we get used to the computer mouse and keyboard, we have to throw it away. Spielberg’s Minority Report suggests that the future in computer input is a gesture-based interface. While this is a really cool PC, we might look a bit silly waving our arms around. Plus, we’d have to wear funny gloves to use it. At least we’d get a decent work out. Chances of it becoming reality: It exists. On a small scale, there’s the iPhone and iPad’s multitouch system and there’s Microsoft Surface, using a special desk surface as a desktop. The rest is just up the irrepressible ebb of progress. See the promo here: microsoft surface

Hoverboard – Back to the Future The first major disappointment of anyone’s childhood wasn’t realising that the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Father Christmas were not real. No, it’s finding out that the hoverboard rumour was untrue. ‘It’s coming to a store near you’ was just a malicious story that nasty, lying little James (every class has one) made up. The coolness of skateboarding combined with the dream of flight – the fantasy was dead. Also, we never did find out if James’ father really was an astronaut nor if his best friend was Bruce Lee. Chances of it becoming reality: There have been attempts, the closest being this one by Future Horizons, who have taken it a little too literally. Sure, it’s a board that hovers but come on!

Remote control – Click This falls roughly into the same category as the neuralyzer, as ‘things that would be incredibly useful at the office’. Adam Sandler used it to pause moments in his life to allow him time to think of an answer, rewind the time because he’d done something stupid and turn down the sound if anyone was bothering him. We’re sure you can think of a dozen more. Chances of it becoming reality: We have to be honest here, we haven’t really looked into it, but our instincts tell us this device is up against the laws of physics, sweating in the witness stand with a jury consisting of Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking.

Teleporter – Star Trek You know when a gadget (imaginary or not) has hit mainstream consciousness when it’s made its way onto bumper stickers. “Beam me up Scotty!� is a phrase we’ve all heard a hundred times, and not always when sitting through a Star Trek movie. The Teleporter could instantly transport a person from one environment to another. As useful at a bar fight as it would be at Sunday lunch with the mother-in-law. Chances of it becoming reality: The team of physicists from the Australian National University have managed to take apart an encrypted laser beam and simultaneously rebuild a replica one meter away. But team leader Dr. Ping Koy Lam is unsure we’ll be teleporting human beings any time soon. We’ve heard little about them since. Hang on a minute…

Training Chair – The Matrix If this chair can teach Keanu Reeves how to fly a chopper and become a 11th Dan martial artist, chances are it’ll help you pass your board exam. The possibilities are endless here and the real question is, what would you want to know, without knowing too much? Perhaps we’re getting a bit deep. But then, how deep does the rabbit-hole go? Here are two pills, a blue one and a red one. Chances of it becoming reality: Perhaps the CIA has one (they’re not letting on) but if the machine would become available to all, how would mankind cope with everyone knew everything? The blue pill please.

Orgazmorator – Orgazmo No doubt influenced by Woody Allen's 'Sleeper', Trey Parker (of South Park infamy) made 'Orgazmo'. In his trademark tasteless and hilarious style, he weaves a story of a young Mormon who happens upon the porn industry. In the movie there’s a certain machine that instantly forces people to climax. So let’s get this straight – a tool that creates orgasms. It’s a tall story. Chances of it becoming reality: Dr. Stuart Meloy, a US anesthesiologist was working on a device to treat chronic back pain when he somehow got sidetracked. He developed a remote that controlled an electrode in a female patient’s spine that could induce an orgasm. What’s stopping women, unable to have natural orgasms, flocking to him by the millions? $3 000 for a 10-day trial and $17 000 for a permanent version maybe.

Lightsaber – Star Wars The number one selling toy of all time at Hamley’s in London is none other than Luke’s trusty sword. As standard issue for all Jedis, it has become an icon, with millions of replicas made with realistic lit acrylic blades, some better than others. For those kids whose parents were too stingy to buy them one, they made it, with a torch and a piece of blue paper. But somehow, if it couldn’t cut off your buddy’s arm or deflect laser fire, it just wasn’t the same. Chances of it becoming reality: In theory, certain lasers that exist today are capable of cutting through steel so it’s more than likely to be able to slice through a Sith lord. However it would also require several megawatts to do so – more power than six AA batteries could muster. There are step-by-step how-to guides on the internet. But very difficult, it is.